Nicholas. OurCoffeestops!

The chronicles of an ACCA student.

Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

Ouch.

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It’s never a nice thing to be rejected. What’s more with such a subtle hint. Nothing hurts more than to know that you were never considered.

Oh well, now that the burden’s been lifted, there won’t be anymore regrets.

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Written by nwck89

February 15, 2011 at 12:59 am

Posted in Thoughts

Protected: Fallen.

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Written by nwck89

January 4, 2011 at 12:23 am

Posted in Reminiscence, Thoughts

Protected: Something to ponder about.

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Written by nwck89

December 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Posted in Thoughts

Of Regrets and many things.

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I’m wondering if I should have stuck to P6 for the 2nd time this round.

I’m wondering if I should have taken OBU in the last semester.

I’m wondering if I should have purchased a car before I started work.

I’m even wondering if I should have taken accounting in the first place.

I’m also wondering if I should have done that confession that night.

I’ve lost that confidence that has always been my source of strength. I don’t know where it went. I also think I’m backsliding in my faith. I don’t believe in Him as much as I did before.

I felt I’ve been left alone in this struggle.

So where are you, God? When I needed You most.

I can’t feel You, I can’t hear You. and yet they say You’re always there.

I used to think ACCA is going to be a breeze, I used to think the papers are not impossible to pass. Look at me now, I simply don’t see the end of it.

Seriously, I feel I’m stuck in a God-forsaken rat race. No matter how you say it, I don’t really buy God talk as much as I did.

The girl that I’m in love with, is halfway across the globe, with no indication of any reciprocation of the feelings I’ve shown. One year, huh. I think a year is all it takes for a lot of things to change. The fact that I am still in the dark over the issue, I have no idea how long will I be able to hang on to this.

Am I really THAT predicatable? Thinking of something Wei Ling gave it to my face once. I may have to lose the bet of a meal to her, or not.

Life is full of regrets.

If only we don’t have to live life regretting decisions made in foresight.

Written by nwck89

December 2, 2010 at 12:52 am

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I guess I screwed up. I’m sorry.

Written by nwck89

November 14, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Posted in Thoughts

In these trying times.

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God is amazing.

I just want to thank God for Evie, who have been keeping me company in P7 classes weekly. If not for her, classes would have been depressing. It’s depressing to be in the same class listening to the same things, I just don’t say it out loud.

Funny thing was, if I hadn’t failed the P7 paper, I wouldn’t even have known her, despite being classmates since CAT days. By knowing as in, not merely a hi-bye friend, but a friend. Amazing how God always sends someone to encourage you even when you think God isn’t working the way you think He ought to.

My ways are not His ways. Very true.

There have been many times for the past weeks that I’ve doubted myself, or even doubted Him. Why me? Does He really think I could handle all this at one go?

Office politics. Work stress. Studies. Marking. Maintaining a friendship. and lately, the grandfather. I think it’s not too far off till I add financial distress to the list.

I think I get misunderstood much, for that I think I will reduce my Twitter postings. Might even consider not posting any tweets unless necessary, don’t see any point to it already.

Anyway despite the hardship I have been going through, there is still a silver lining behind those dark clouds. Ms. Kiran have been nice and understanding, felt really bad for extending the deadline because I simply CANNOT finish marking. Current senior is very understanding and nice to talk to too, the KFC teammates aren’t exactly a bad bunch as well. I actually enjoyed work on a few occasions.

Been making visits to uncle’s house and then to Serdang Hospital. Grandfather was admitted yesterday afternoon and had suffered a 2nd stroke to the left brain. 6 years ago, he had a stroke in his right brain. Doc said, he could go any time. I know death is inevitable, but I just pray that he will leave in a peaceful state. I also pray, that my mum will be strong in these trying times. Seen her cried far too many times.

I don’t know how to react. Really. It’s the first time I’m facing a possible death of a close relative, what more my grandfather. The grandfather whom I stayed in Klang with for the first four years of my life, who would bring me out every single day, and have bak kut teh for breakfast after morning exercise. The grandfather who never said no to my ridiculous demands. The grandfather whom has always love me so dearly, eventhough I’m not his biological grandson. My mum is adopted.

I really don’t know what to say to him when I saw him lying on the bed in my uncle’s house. He opened his eyes and looked at me, not able to say anything, I just looked at him and call out to him, but I realised.. I don’t know what else to say.

On another note, with P7 revision classes now officially ended, for the 2nd time, please let this be my final session with Mr. Goh. I don’t know why, or when, but I somehow lost that confidence level I once had in me. I feel like I’m gambling with fate recently.

P5 revision classes next week. New paper, with nothing in my head. I really haven’t touched the topics in the syllabus. For once, I don’t know how I’ll make it for an ACCA paper in my current state. I just hope, and pray real hard that the upcoming study leave I’m getting, I’ll be able to cramp EVERYTHING with a decent level of understanding in my head. If not, then it will be the 22nd ACCA & CAT Graduation for me. Or probably later. Or.. I don’t know.

It’s hard to continue to praise God in these hard times, but I’m trying my level best to. God, I still believe You will carry me through, just show me how. Talk to me, and I’ll listen. Show me, and I’ll pay attention.

Matthew 14:31
“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Trying not to.

Written by nwck89

October 31, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Posted in Thoughts

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So at one point in time, my name was not even mentioned once in the whole of the blog post. Then now, there was this ‘special thanks’ sentence dedicated to me.

When did you decide to add it in? It sure wasn’t there when I first read the post.

Written by nwck89

October 30, 2010 at 9:18 pm

Posted in Thoughts