Nicholas. OurCoffeestops!

The chronicles of an ACCA student.

In these trying times.

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God is amazing.

I just want to thank God for Evie, who have been keeping me company in P7 classes weekly. If not for her, classes would have been depressing. It’s depressing to be in the same class listening to the same things, I just don’t say it out loud.

Funny thing was, if I hadn’t failed the P7 paper, I wouldn’t even have known her, despite being classmates since CAT days. By knowing as in, not merely a hi-bye friend, but a friend. Amazing how God always sends someone to encourage you even when you think God isn’t working the way you think He ought to.

My ways are not His ways. Very true.

There have been many times for the past weeks that I’ve doubted myself, or even doubted Him. Why me? Does He really think I could handle all this at one go?

Office politics. Work stress. Studies. Marking. Maintaining a friendship. and lately, the grandfather. I think it’s not too far off till I add financial distress to the list.

I think I get misunderstood much, for that I think I will reduce my Twitter postings. Might even consider not posting any tweets unless necessary, don’t see any point to it already.

Anyway despite the hardship I have been going through, there is still a silver lining behind those dark clouds. Ms. Kiran have been nice and understanding, felt really bad for extending the deadline because I simply CANNOT finish marking. Current senior is very understanding and nice to talk to too, the KFC teammates aren’t exactly a bad bunch as well. I actually enjoyed work on a few occasions.

Been making visits to uncle’s house and then to Serdang Hospital. Grandfather was admitted yesterday afternoon and had suffered a 2nd stroke to the left brain. 6 years ago, he had a stroke in his right brain. Doc said, he could go any time. I know death is inevitable, but I just pray that he will leave in a peaceful state. I also pray, that my mum will be strong in these trying times. Seen her cried far too many times.

I don’t know how to react. Really. It’s the first time I’m facing a possible death of a close relative, what more my grandfather. The grandfather whom I stayed in Klang with for the first four years of my life, who would bring me out every single day, and have bak kut teh for breakfast after morning exercise. The grandfather who never said no to my ridiculous demands. The grandfather whom has always love me so dearly, eventhough I’m not his biological grandson. My mum is adopted.

I really don’t know what to say to him when I saw him lying on the bed in my uncle’s house. He opened his eyes and looked at me, not able to say anything, I just looked at him and call out to him, but I realised.. I don’t know what else to say.

On another note, with P7 revision classes now officially ended, for the 2nd time, please let this be my final session with Mr. Goh. I don’t know why, or when, but I somehow lost that confidence level I once had in me. I feel like I’m gambling with fate recently.

P5 revision classes next week. New paper, with nothing in my head. I really haven’t touched the topics in the syllabus. For once, I don’t know how I’ll make it for an ACCA paper in my current state. I just hope, and pray real hard that the upcoming study leave I’m getting, I’ll be able to cramp EVERYTHING with a decent level of understanding in my head. If not, then it will be the 22nd ACCA & CAT Graduation for me. Or probably later. Or.. I don’t know.

It’s hard to continue to praise God in these hard times, but I’m trying my level best to. God, I still believe You will carry me through, just show me how. Talk to me, and I’ll listen. Show me, and I’ll pay attention.

Matthew 14:31
“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Trying not to.

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Written by nwck89

October 31, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Posted in Thoughts

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